I find myself crying now after I read this because I realized that I caved into peer pressure and decided that I needed to be able to say the bible was inerrant so that I could be accepted by leaders and others at the fellowship I am a part of. I wanted to have some influence there, and because the belief that believing that the bible is so important, I found a loophole. I found a very long article that explained inerrancy in a way that I could swallow. But after reading Bruxy’s paper, I have decided I need to just stop that nonsense.
Normally I don’t use that word–nonsense–but I thought I would try it. Yes, it was not good sense to try to win approval from people. I have prided myself–(and pride does go before the fall) on being so honest and transparent. And I did really sincerely believe that according to about 4-5 pages of explanation, I could finally call the Bible inerrant. But I didn’t feel really good about it. My motivations were not pure. Wanting to win approval is never pure.
I have to cry here a bit more because I so yearn to be a part of a fellowship of followers of Christ who have such a commitment to following Jesus, and making him the center focus. The words are there at our fellowship–but too often the emphasis is put on following the Bible. I am being forced to re-think this faith of mine. It is a good thing. And I have some good friends at my fellowship I could talk about this with.
And I will.
I so appreciate the efforts of our leaders and people in our fellowship to follow Jesus. This environment has been so good for me and my children. We have all grown in many ways. Relationships have deepened. Trust is high among some of us. We will be sharing a Thanksgiving meal, many of us–because we love each other. I think our sense of community and value of relationships is very wonderful.
But I can’t help but yearn for another place–leadership like that of Bruxy’s. A funny guy–yet so serious. A man with a tragic past–yet so compassionate. A man who is so completely committed to following Jesus and helping others to do the same. I have visited many churches and read about many as well. But I have yet to find a church like The Meeting House and a pastor like Bruxy. I feel grateful to be immersing myself in teachings which point me to Jesus, but I feel so sad. I yearn for community where people interact daily. People who are encouraging each other to follow Jesus.
I still have not written my vision of the community, but I pray that I will be able to do so later today.