It has been almost two weeks since I experienced a powerful presence of God where I was convinced that from then on I was going to be able to look at everything that happened to me and every person I came in contact with through the lense of agape love. I was positive that this feeling of love that I had for everyone was not going to leave me. I was hoping that from then on I could stay in peace, love, harmony forever and ever!
But the feelings of uneasiness and discouragement are attempting to take over. I know intellectually with all my heart that these feelings are simply signals that I need to do something different. I have some unmet needs. Maybe I need to be outside more (i’ve been inside more the past week a lot!) Maybe I just need more rest. Perhaps I have been in front of the computer too long. (I notice that affects my well being)
I think that I will do the following to attempt to get back into the state of bliss that I enjoyed so much.
Write a learning/love letter to God and tell him first how angry I am because I want my life to be different in so many ways—then get underneath the anger to fear, hurt, remorse, taking responsibility, and then unconditional love and surrender. Just thinking about doing this process makes me feel better.
I will put on some loud music and dance.
I will do some stretching and deep breathing.
I will take a nice shower.
I will clean up the house that I am house sitting because it needs to be done by tonight.
I will make a tasty dish out of lentils. basil, onions, olive oil and tomatoes.
I will write a friendly letter to Susan thanking her for letting me stay here.
I will write down all my goals and lay them before my creator God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit. I will ask them to guide and help me.
Or, I might just go to bed and do all this in the morning!
The main thing I want to do is treat these uncomfortable feelings like children. They are wanting something, and I want to nurture them and help them identify their needs. Once needs are identified, they are much easier to fulfill.
I have always loved the line from the song from South Pacific,a broadway musical–“You gotta have a dream, ’cause if you don’t have a dream, how you gonna make a dream come true?
And somewhere in the bible it says,”without vision the people will perish.”
And Jesus says that he came that I might have life and that more abundantly He wants me to be happy.
So here I go….pray for me, okay? I hope you are doing well.