Ten days ago when I wrote my statement of faith and experienced faith rather than just believing it, something shifted in me. A few days before I had experienced a kind of melt down where I was just so discouraged and not trusting at all. I was able to, for the first time in a while, really experience the grief of all the pain in the world–my own as well as others. I could fully feel the sadness and longing I felt to help build a better world, for myself, my family, every living creature, and every particle of our Creator.
Since then, I have watched the bliss slowly decrease. Yet at the same time, I am more anchored in the faith that our Creator loves me and you so much, and wants to co-create with us this kingdom of heaven on earth. I am more grounded in the belief that everyone is doing two things–asking for love or offering love–just often doing those two actions in tragic ways.
My faith in Jesus as the one who can lead me into all abundance and can help me to co-create with Papa God and Holy spirit–as increased and my affection for him grows.
Here are some experiences I have had which tells me that I have made some shifts in consciousness that I pray will be consistent:
I was shopping at Harps and when I was ready to leave I could not find my purse which was attached to my keys any where. Instead of panicking, I just peacefully kept looking, checked in the store, took a little snack break. I went back into the store, and the purse was sitting in the lost and found–nothing missing. I was so glad I didn’t waste my energy worrying.
My partner Robert and I had a very intense discussion where he got quite upset with me. I was able to listen empathically to his feelings and wants, and share my perceptions without making demands. We got through a very difficult, highly charged situation with a lot at stake with me being calm, and my calmness helped release the tension Robert was feeling. (Often it will be the other way around–where he will listen to me.) I was glad that I was able to call upon the words Paul says in the bible, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Those words really helped me.
I have attracted steady work, and even work for Robert so that we can be more abundant and get some very much needed items like parts for a stove so we won’t have to use propane for heat during the winter. The people we are working for are very appreciative, and we can work on the job together at times, which is wonderful.
I got to spend a day with my daughter, Mahriyanna, and it was truly blissful. We got to see the beautiful sun rise on Mt. Sequoyah, take a nap together because neither of us had slept well, cruise around thrift stores, shop and just hang out together. With the positive feelings of love, joy, peace I experience so much of the time, I seem to attract more of the things that I want and need.
Someone wanted me to do a recording and video project but then backed out. I was tempted to tell everyone before the deal was sealed, but something stopped me I was not disappointed in the change in plans, but rather saw that it stimulated me to work on my own projects.
When people aren’t willing to look into my eyes or smile or act in a friendly way towards me as I go about my day, I just send them love and don’t make assumptions. I also don’t let the thoughts like, “they probably think I am weird–and they are right.” even get through. I celebrate my weirdness while doing my best to be sensitive to others. And I refrain from trying to figure out what they are thinking, because it really doesn’t matter!
I just feel happy, peaceful, loving most of the time. I find myself talking to Jesus a lot, and praying more and more. And then when I am not in that space, I figure out what thoughts and feelings are keeping me from that space. I uncover the layers, then do what needs to be done, and get back into the flow of joy.
I find it easy to forgive others, and yearning for true reconciliation. But I’m not attached.
I feel grateful because I perceive that all that is happening is Christ living in me, creating a vibration of love that is drawing to me all that I need to continue to live in peace and harmony. It doesn’t feel like a huge effort. I have faith that whatever challenge is presented to me in life, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Awakening to our Creator’s grace has made all the difference. I hope you will pray for me that I will continue develop my relationship with Jesus so that I can become more like him in every way.