Why I no longer am discouraged by what you think about me

I can’t say I don’t care about what you or anyone thinks about what I do. How I enjoy contributing to what I perceive is the well being of others is my greatest joy. Even in my very favorite sport which I used to play twenty hours a week during my college days, volley ball, I would be so happy if I gave someone a great set, or made a bump that saved the day. When I take care of myself so that I can have more energy, clarity and peace to nurture others, I celebrate. But if for whatever reason I miss the mark and am unable to nurture you–I may grieve because my dream is to connect with everyone. But I won’t get discouraged–and I won’t label myself as inferior or damaged goods.

I believe that our Creator who I call Papa, has this as his essence–his only desire is for our well being. If we are created in his image, then it is only natural that we would have this as our fundamental nature.

So when recently I listened to Marshall Rosenberg’s words which I still enjoy after twenty years of practicing and learning  Nonviolent Communication,  a model which makes it easier for everyone to get their needs met, I felt touched by the words I have heard many times. But this time it really sunk in deeply.  What I heard was, “all communications and actions are either requests for or offerings of love. The problem is that some of those requests and offerings are done in tragic ways.”

When I heard these words twenty years ago in a class in Encinitas, California, taught by Marshall himself–I was floored. This was the truth I was seeking all my life. I wanted to know what our basic motivation for living was. Now I realize that our motivation is the same as our purpose. To live in true love is my daily purpose for loving.

I used to try to not care about what people thought about me. My goal was that it didn’t matter. But just this last week I realized that I want people to see me as contributing to their well being. That means many things. Sometimes it will be telling the truth in love. Sometimes it is listening to someone empathically–to either share celebration or to grieve.Sometimes is might even be to draw boundaries.

But the best thing now is that with my new agape eyes, I filter out the tragic expression of love that often I perceive. A person I smile at looks down. A new friend I connected deeply with one day…the next day seems distant.  My partner gets impatient when I tell him that “this time, I have really changed”. My son resists a suggestion I make about his band.

Instead of getting discouraged, making assumptions, or becoming angry–I now see behind the action the request or offering of love. I realize that I am not perfect. I may have contributed to the action that ther person chose to enact. Yet I am oh so loved by Papa, no matter what. That soothes me.  It gives me strength and desire to respond to whatever anyone is offering with empathy, a silent sending of loving thoughts and prayers, or an invitation to dialogue for understanding. I know with all my heart that if I choose to focus on my deep desire for the best to happen to that person, I will feel relief and even a sense of joy.

As I live in the garden of Agape love with Agape eyes and ears, I actually am connecting much more deeply with people. There is more harmony, joy, flow, and cooperation. The law of Attraction plays out here. I am doing my best to vibrate at an unconditionally loving vibration which I expect will attract similar vibrations. Both the action and expectation help make that reality. I am going to enjoy sharing many of the interactions I have in a life so rich with connection.

Thanks, Papa, for creating this wonderful world where my purpose is to live in the garden of agape love with everyone. That’s my definition of heaven.


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