5 steps to awakening to loving high percentage of the time

Okay I am finally getting it together to write the most important tools I have found to help me be at peace. Here they are. There are lots more tools to add to our tool kit–lets compile the ones that really work and are easy to learn and cheap!

Step 1. Express anger constructively

I think one of the biggest problems in the world is that people don’t express anger in a way that is helpful. I believe that anger can be a great gift to tell us that we are yearning for something we want. It is highly possible that our greatest need is to love and be loved, and when we are angry we are crying out for that need to be met in a tragic way.

The love letter is something I have found time after time to help me transform anger into love. This technique was introduced to me when I attended Jack Canfield’s self esteem seminars about thirty years ago. It was created by John Grey, author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Keep in mind that the first draft is probably not what you are going to give to someone. In fact, you might not even be able or choose to give the letter to someone. But you will change yourself and the relationship if you are willing to put some effort into this.

Grey’s “love letter” technique has five stages.

1. Anger: The start of the letter is where the writer communicates his or her feelings of anger, resentment and blame at the other person. It basically involves variations of the sentiment “I don’t like it when you…..” I like to say really nasty, uncensored things here. Its fun to give myself permission to say cuss words that I normally would not use.
2. 2. Hurt and sadness: In the second section of the letter, the writer describes any feelings of sadness, hurt or disappointment that are present. “I feel sad when you….” is one example of a typical second-section sentence.
3. 3. Fear: This next section lists fears and insecurities that the writer feels. “I feel scared when you…..”

4. Guilt, remorse: In this section the writer shares any feelings of responsibility and remorse. “I’m sorry that I…..” or “I regret….” are typical examples of ways to begin a sentence in this section. Here’s a chance to ask for forgiveness.
5. Love: The last section is the appropriate place for the writer to describe feelings of love, forgiveness and understanding. “I forgive you for…..” or “I really care about you and want to work this out” are good examples. The end of the letter is also the place to state a simple request or desire for an action on the part of the reader. “I would like you to….

I am going to add step six—and that is prayers. I would pray to be able to re-write this letter in such a way that communicates the vulnerable feelings in a way that the receiver can understand and trust. Of course, any other prayers such as a deep desire for reconciliation, healing, transformation of the relationship would be great.

Step 2. Learn Nonviolent communication. The bottom line of this model is that everyone is either requesting love or offering love—but often in tragic ways. By seeing people as little children in big bodies when they do things that you feel uncomfortable about—and responding with empathy and telling the truth in love—it helps you to really love people in an authentic way.

There is a free overview and course in Nonviolent Communication Skills Online

Step Three

Take care of your body. It is much easier to prevent uncomfortable emotions and negative thoughts when you are healthy. Check out www.hacres.com for a great guide to being healthy.

Step Four

Live simply. Find ways to live closer to the earth. Downsize. See what you really need. Find out what is important. Define you values. Set goals and focus.

Step Five

Read THE SHACK. Realize that there is a Creator God who loves you so so much, and every one so so much. Start living as if you are loved and God is intimately involved with your life. Follow your heart which may just lead you to enter into a relationship with Jesus as your best friend. I have experienced that with Jesus help I am able to be more consistent in the first four steps.

I am falling in love with Free Believers

It is 4:45 AM and I can’t stop reading the blogs by Darin who is a person who is articulating truths that I totally and utterly agree with him. What a relief to hear someone else saying what I have been experiencing–but he writes much more eloquently! I hope you will check this website out, and especially check out Darin’s blog posts. http://freebelievers.com

Being for something and not against

I loved this blog post–by a Christian who used to be the kind of person that turned me off to Christ. There are changes in the air–hope for followers of Jesus–read more here:

http://www.staceyrobbins.com/being-for-something-and-not-against

The prodigal son–a new twist on an old story

Many people appreciate the story about the prodigal son, and the emphasis has always, in my experience, been placed on the son who left. But not much has been said about the son who got angry with his father because the father was so welcoming to the prodigal.  The scriptures never do say if the older son got over his anger—I believe he did eventually since it was so long ago. But then again, if his father was unable to offer him empathy and try to help him work through his feelings, that older son might have held on to his anger, past it on to the next seven generations, and Hitler might have been born out of that. But that is another story.

My point is that so much emphasis by preachers and bible teachers is about the mercy of our heavenly father because of the prodigal son being forgiven. But most church goers and Christian leaders are not like the prodigal son. They are outwardly doing all the right things—but where are their hearts?

I feel encouraged because it seems like bible teacher and preachers are preaching more about people changing themselves—especially their hearts.

Here is the way I am looking at it.

The overwhelming proof is that Jesus is God. If you don’t believe this, I really recommend that you read A CASE FOR THE REAL JESUS or A CASE FOR FAITH both by Lee Strobel. Lee was a former atheist who set out to prove that Christianity was a bunch of lies when his wife gave her life to Christ. But after a thorough investigation-which he was good at since he was an investigative reporter by trade—he decided that he wanted to give his life to Jesus too. He convinced me with his meticulous research that the case is overwhelmingly in favor of Jesus being who he said he was.

Even if you don’t believe that Jesus is God—or at this point, you see it as irrelevant, , I want to offer some practical reasons why you might want to consider having a relationship with Jesus.

First of all, Jesus came not to build churches, but to change our hearts. In fact, I just read this morning when I looked in the bible for confirmation aobut what I am writing…John the Baptist even taught, “you must have a change of heart”. I know Jesus taught all about this, especially when he referred to the white seplecures which were the Pharisees who cared only about external adhesion to the law. I will do a whole article about the Heart and Jesus in the near future.

Jesus was not a religious person. He gave two main commandments—love God, love neighbor. Actually, he snuck an extra one in there which is not emphasized usually—love your self since your are supposed to love your neighbor as yourself.

The reason I like Jesus is that because when I opened my heart to him, he started giving me power to live out his laws. passionate about their faith that I decided to try it out as a last resort. I was sick of looking at making up my own truth as I went along. The people who inspired me to open my heart to Christ were people I respected and came to love. I wanted to be like them. I wanted to have their passion.

I gave my life to Christ reluctantly, telling him that I basically didn’t understand it all, and I wasn’t sure it was going to work, but I wanted to give it a try because I was so unhappy. Jesus was so kind—he took my halfhearted attempt to give my life to him, and let it be a seed that would take years to even germinate.

It has only been recently that I have really fallen in love with Jesus, and want to help others fall in love with Jesus. That is because I realize that loving Jesus means loving you, my neighbor, my family, my friends, my enemies, the worst criminal in the universe, cockroaches, and fleas, pollution, nuclear power and everything on the planet and in the universe.

I can’t see Jesus, and it is hard for me to love him, but I can love his creation that he made along with Father and holy spirit. They are basically a community that just wanted to have more to love and more to have fun with . After all it is hard to have a fun volley ball game with 3, even if you are God.

Now that I have learned with all my heart that loving means not a sappy being nice not setting boundaries or telling the truth—I realize that to love means to see every person as an expression of God—and sometimes that person’s actions are tragic. I am more and more easily seeing that as expressions of God, we were made to love and be loved. That is the only way we are going to be truly happy. But because of our upbringing, our society, and a decision by many to be independent from God, it is not natural for us to love, especially when someone is acting in a way we don’t like.

But that is where Jesus comes and turns the tables on our logic. He tells us to love our enemies. That means that to truly love them, for me I need to see that they are just people trying to offer love or request love—just often in tragic ways. When I look at people through that lense, then I can make a wiser decision as to how to think about them and how to treat them. I see them as little children who don’t know any better. Sure, it seems that big men who rape and murder should know better. But what do statistics say about these men—that they had horrible child hoods, right? They are little children trapped in big bodies who are hurting horribly, and acting out.

This does not mean that I go up to such a person and give them a hug and spend time alone with them. It means that I find ways to help that are proactive and creative. Just the way I speak about them to others is an expression of love. Praying for their well-being is another. Finding ways to have restorative justice rather than punitive justice is yet another.

I am falling in love with Jesus the more I find the bliss of falling in love of his creation comprised of people animal vegetable and mineral. I see love every w here, and the more I see love, the more I feel love. The more I feel love, the more I vibrate as love. The more I vibrate as love, the more I attract love. The more I attract love, the more love I want to give away. It becomes the ultimate upward spiral.

Jesus main message was to help the older brother to deal with his feelings. He preached forgiveness and loving those who are hard to love. But he did not tell exactly how to do that. People think that if you just have a relationship with Jesus, you will be able to do that. And he does give us power to love our enemies and do all the other impossible things that he asks of us. And there are Christians, who demonstrate this wonderfully,

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But the overwhelming majority of Christians struggle like the older brother. They want to be like Christ, but don’t know how. They don’t even know how to have a relationship with Jesus, and often are not taught that this is important. But I think that Marshall Rosenberg came to teach nonviolent communication as a way to help people to love each other as Jesus did. I highly recommend learning about nonviolent communication. Here is the website www.cnvc.org

Non-violent communication that I have practiced for twenty years without Jesus is really hard because I have to do it on my own strength that is not very strong. But Jesus gives me the strength. There is power in his blood and there is power in committing my life to him. It is a mysterious, unexplainable power. It would have been nice to have a God just send a great teacher down to earth to show us what can be done, and how to do it in order to find God. But He didn’t stop there. He sent his son to give us power. But we have to accept that power. To accept that power we just need to commit our life to Jesus and to start having a real relationship with him.

I know that many people have found that power who didn’t or don’t have a relationship with Jesus. I think that those people commune with Jesus spirit because of their deep longing, and Jesus is merciful. He understands that so many people have spoiled his teachings and now people are turned off. But I hope to help people overcome their prejudice and look at Jesus clearly.

After all, it really can’t hurt to say shyly to Jesus—look, I want to have a relationship with you so I can really learn to love and be truly happy—but I don’t know how. And I don’t really believe in you because of all the people who have not represented you in a positive light. Can you help me out?

How’s that for a sinner’s prayer? I believe that Jesus will meet you wherever you are if you sincerely want to love as he does. I want to fan those flames of  people wanting to know Jesus, and I am in the process of figuring out things like conference calls, a ning site,  a Sunday morning gathering at the park, and more.

Working with a prisoner to help him reach out to at-risk youth–Mitchell Berrios

I reluctantly got involved with helping Mitchell who is in prison. I say reluctantly because I knew that if I started helping him, I would most likely be a lifeline for him, and I did not want that responsibility. Yet because of a series of circumstances, I appear to be his life line, and now I will place the responsibility and burden in the lap of Papa, our creator. I will do my best to help him, reminding myself that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I met Mitch when I was helping a neighbor move some stuff–and getting paid for it. (I regret that I don’t have much time to help people besides my family for free–yet I yearn to get my family involved in serving together–I pray that they will choose to support Mitch). Mitch very lovingly offered to help me, and we felt an instant connection when we discovered that we had very similar view points about Jesus. We ended up having about a three hour discussion sharing our testimonies and life stories.

The next day we spoke for about two more hours. I felt so torn because I did not have extra time to spend with a “stranger” yet I hoped that our mutual love for Jesus would lead to some kind of expanded fellowship with others.I also was interested in his desire to help minister to at risk youth with helping them build Ozark  Custom Pedal Choppers. The pedal chopper is a very unique design of bicycle that looks like a chopper motorcycle.

I didn’t see Mitchell when I got really busy, and the next thing I heard was that he had gone to prison because he had violated parole. I wanted to make the effort to connect with him, but my life was so full with supporting my family working full time. Also, I really had no clue as to how to find him.

What I understood from Mitchell about why he was on probation was this: He had a friend who was drunk and about to drive with his two year old daughter. Mitchell took the car some where until his friend was sober. Because Mitchell’s mother was in an accident, hit by a drunk driver, Mitchell felt especially protective.

His friend called the police, and Mitchell was put in jail for car theft. When he went to prison after violating his probation, he had a very hostile psychologist interview him and decide that he needed to go to state hospital.

After Mitchell was in prison for several months,  I was hired to contact him to help find a home for his beautiful dog who was killing chickens at the Brown Farm where I live and work part time. I wrote Mitchell to find out who might take his dog, and he wrote back requesting help for his situation.I am admitting that I had to be hired to contact him because I didn’t think I had time to help him.

I felt overwhelmed at that time, and did not respond right away. He asked me to deliver a letter to someone to get help, and I did that after two weeks. Then I finally wrote him an encouraging letter.  I told him I would publish his letters and his dream to help at-risk youth. This is the letter I received from him:

Dear Patricia

I didn’t get your letters until after I arrived at the State Hospital. Thank you very much for teh moral support (I really needed it!) I thought maybe you never got my letters or were too busy. I guess Iwas starting to get anxious. But I knew I could count on you as long as you didn’t have some extraordinary problems…

I got transported with seven other guys in a prisoner trans van. We were all handcuffed/leg-shackled and stuffed in like sardines. It sucked! Plus: I was the last guy to get dropped off, which meant I had to ride all the way to Pine Bluff first then back to Little Rock. (Yeee Haw!)

I got bruises on my wrists and ankles; yet it was all worth it when I finally got  here and realized you’d written me not only once but twice since my last letter. I can’t say how much it means to me that you are my ally and friend. I really appreciate that you went out of your way to deliver that letter to Lance at Ozark Guidance Center.

Yes, I would greatly appreciate your typing mt letters on your blog…I’ll try to produce something like a mission support letter/vision statement that you can put on the internet.

I think we can kill two birds with one stone…meaning that we could potentially procure community support to not only get my legal problems resolved–but also procure community support to start my Ozark Custom Pedal Choppers ministry to at-risk youth.

Thanks for all the help!

Love in Christ, Mitchell

Mitchell Berrios

Arkansas State Hospital

3055 Palm St.

Little Rock, AR 72205

finding out the reason why I am feeling so moody

I woke up this morning telling Papa (the word I am using for God) that I really didn’t want to write in my blog this morning and make it public. I sensed that Papa was speaking to me. I can’t say I am one hundred percent sure it was Papa, and if these were his exact words. Papa’s words are in italics.

I understand that you are uneasy about sharing vulnerably to just any one.

That’s right. People might critisize me or think I am crazy.

I hear that you are afraid of what people might think because you want reassurance from them that you are not crazy.

Well, when you put it that way, I realize that I am once again thinking and caring too much about what people will think. My whole experiment in living in the garden of agape love was to be so full of love that those thoughts that people might be thinking won’t even affect me.Okay, I am willing to do it. I am sensing that this is something you want me to do.

Yes, it is something I want you to do because I want people to learn how to sense my voice. It is really hard for people–they are too busy listening to other people’s voice and caring what others might say. This is the biggest hindrance to hearing my voice.

I created people so that they would have a deep sense of wanting to belong. As a member of the trinity, this is totally a part of who I AM. We are community, belonging to each other. But we are equal. And we don’t do things because we are worried about what the other will think.

Okay, I think I am getting it. Let me see if I can articulate with my own thoughts. Then I will check in and see if I got it right, okay?

Sounds good to me:)

You created us to be individuals with own separate bodies, minds, spirits. We each have unique gifts and talents to share. We are made of your energy — the dust of the earth it says in the bible–which is made of atoms and particles and down to the essence of who you are.

You created us in your image. You are part of the trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit. These are words, symbols that most closely describe who you are so we can relate to you. Words are not what you are–but they lead me to understanding. That is why you planted the Holy Spirit in us so that we could understand from our hearts, from our essence.

Although we are individuals, we are meant to be one. Our skins separate us from others, but really if you looked at a very powerful microscope it would appear that we are all part of a great energy field–we are truly all one.

Having separation helps each of us to express different qualities and different aspects of you, the holy community. We are meant to live like you and with you in community.

Just about everything we do pulls us away from that. One of the biggest things is to worry about what others will think of us. When I worry about what others think, I am actually making them out to be bad guys. I am not seeing them with love. I am seeing people as enemies who want to pull me down.

Yes, there are times to be quiet and discerning. I already experienced the experiment of speaking every thought and feeling that went through my mind when I first started learning nonviolent communication. Writing is the same way, because I do want to protect others. I don’t want to share things that others might not want known.

But for some reason I am in this space where I am thinking that you, Papa, want me to be totally transparent and pass a kind of test where I no longer need to worry about what people will think.

I think you want me to have a sense and a world view that I am part of a huge community made up of everyone in the world. If that is true, then to be a healthy community I need to be transparent as much as possible, and to see fellow members of my community as  my friends.

Too often I see people as enemies to be feared and blocked out. I have automatic reactions which I hate to say it since I see myself as so liberated–but they are prejudice.

I think you are wanting me to be grounded in the belief that everyone is either offering love or asking for love–just often times people will do so in tragic ways that I choose to be hurt by.

One of the biggest blocks to hearing your voice, and hearing the voice of truth, is being busy second guessing and assuming what everyone is thinking. If I can get into the habit of assuming that people are either offering or asking for love, then I can once again be free to experience the bliss I experienced when I felt this truth with all my being.

A few weeks ago when I had the experience of bliss, really experiencing with every cell in my being this truth that you, Papa, love me so much, and you love every one so much, and you want to be intimately involved in our lives, I felt so high. I also experienced the truth that everyone is simply asking or offering love but often in tragic ways. I really believed that I could stay in that space forever.

I have heard of people having blissful awakening experiences, people of many faiths. I never thought I would have one–I’m not sure why. None of those people could sustain that experience with out some spiritual practice. The man who wrote PRACTICING THE PRESENCE OF GOD was able to figure out how to keep the feeling of bliss no matter what he was doing. I liked the book, but it never did much for me in terms of bringing me bliss.

I think that you give us this experience so that we can get a taste of what it can be like, and then I will yearn for that feeling, which is what we are naturally meant to feel.

Now I have to choose every moment to be aware of your love. In order to sustain the feeling of love for everyone that I had, which I call blissful, I need to take every thought captive as Paul would say. But that is rather a violent term, and so I want to make a different vision. I want to make every thought my friend and find out what it is wanting and needing. I want to embrace every feeling as a member of my inner community and help it to get to a place of love.

I am thinking that in this new age that we are entering into, the violence is really going to be out of place. The Old Testament was so violent because people saw you through their filters of a stern, angry, jealous father. They misread you and thought you said to do things like kill every man, woman, child and animal in one country. I just can’t believe that you really said that, because you are not stupid, Papa.

I have asked people what they think of this passage where Saul is ordered to perform this dirty deed. One person who loves Jesus very much said that you knew that everyone had to be killed so that those nasty seeds of badness could not be spread around. But there were lots of nasty seeds of badness everywhere–just killing everyone in one country is not going to do the trick of getting rid of all that evil. I think you are a logical, smart Papa–I don’t think that was your desire–for genocide.

In this new age, we are more and more using gentle, non-violent images. The whole concept of seeing people through a lense of understanding and empathy, and a world view of the idea that everyone is basically good is what you are wanting and guiding. The mind set that we are all basically evil and we have to struggle to keep those evil tendencies under control–even those of us who have given our lives to Christ–is a self-fulfilling prophecy. When I think that other people, including my children, are basically bad and I need to control them, I fail at connecting and experiencing unconditional love.

Well, I am really thinking I better clean this house where I am house sitting because I don’t know when Susan is getting home. I hope it is okay with you if I stop now, because I could go on forever and ever amen:) And how to you feel when I say all this?

Yes, it is good that you wind down. I just want to tell you that I feel delighted when I hear your words. I see that you are understanding what the purpose of your experience of bliss was. You have had revelations in your life not because I gave them to you at certain times–but because you were in a place to receive them. I made you for constant revelation and blissfulness. When you used to go backpacking,you would get far away from all the influences of society, and you were more open to me and my thoughts. You experienced the bliss recently because you were alone in a  quiet, beautiful, country setting.

I sense that you are in a hurry and thus are not able to listen clearly now. Go my child and do what you know is responsible, and you can come back and talk when you are more at peace. I love you so much and I feel very happy to see that you are learning the foundational lessons of loving everyone unconditionally,

If I had a magic wand…

I am imagining God being like a parent to me. He is saying to me, “if I had a magic wand, I would grant you all your desires. I understand that you yearn for so much in your life. But I don’t have a magic wand. I gave you and many others free will. I yearn to help you–but you have to learn to co-create with me.”

This learning to co-create with my dear Papa God is so difficult. Yet I do believe that the first step is getting in touch with my heart felt desires and laying them down–surrendering them to Papa who wants only the best for me. I ask that you only give me those things that are for my highest good. I am doing my best to trust that you love me so much that you only give me what I need right now.

Here are my yearnings…

To spend more time with family living life-doing music, working in the garden, building, planting an orchard, writing with my kids about their experiences of having the unique life they have.

To start a band that my whole family would be in, and other friends. To sing songs and share messages that uplift. Give practical ideas and inspiration so that people can have hope.

To know once and for all about the truth of who Jesus is and how much of the bible is truth.

To be part of a community where we live together in both town and country and serve, love each other, empower each other to do a ministry of helping parents be more nurturing to their children.

Start a coalition of parents who are on the leading edge of changing the way we parent from authoritarian to grace-filled.

To write a book about grace-filled parenting that appeals to Christians and non-christians alike

To support my daughter in doing a  campaign to inspire people to be vegetarians–something she wants to do.

To support my son in having a band that really makes a difference in getting out a message of hope and purity.

To make a blog that incorporates and organizes into a very easily accessible model the ideas of grace-filled parenting so that anyoen can easily get started, and get support.

To incorporate every single idea I have ever had about networking and promoting into the spreading of grace-filled parenting.

To have a learning center in my home where lots of people can come and the home is supported because it is like a community center.

to make a living doing some of the above things as well as do workshops, talks, and coaching in parenting.

To be able to totally quit all my regular jobs and focus on the above goals. To either be able to trust for our bills to be paid, or have a substantial gift so that we can pay our bills for a year while i work on this.

to be a great mentor to my friend Taina and serve as a model for others who are wanting help in parenting.

To clean the house where I am housesitting before the person comes home.

To completely heal my relationship with Robert.

To feel a sense of unconditional love towards everyone and every atom and God every moment.

To teach others to do the same.

I bet there are more, but that is good for now!

What happened to my agape ears, eyes, and heart?

It has been almost two weeks since I experienced a powerful presence of God where I was convinced that from then on I was going to be able to look at everything that happened to me and every person I came in contact with  through the lense of agape love. I was positive that this feeling of love that I had for everyone was not going to leave me. I was hoping that from then on I could stay in peace, love, harmony forever and ever!

But the feelings of uneasiness and discouragement are attempting to take over. I know intellectually with all my heart that these feelings are simply signals that I need to do something different. I have some unmet needs. Maybe I need to be outside more (i’ve been inside more the past week a lot!) Maybe I just need more rest. Perhaps I have been in front of the computer too long. (I notice that affects my well being)

I think that I will do the following to attempt to get back into the state of bliss that I enjoyed so much.

Write a learning/love letter to God and tell him first how angry I am because I want my life to be different in so many ways—then get underneath the anger to fear, hurt, remorse, taking responsibility, and then unconditional love and surrender. Just thinking about doing this process makes me feel better.

I will put on some loud music and dance.

I will do some stretching and deep breathing.

I will take a nice shower.

I will clean up the house that I am house sitting because it needs to be done by tonight.

I will make a tasty dish out of lentils. basil, onions, olive oil and tomatoes.

I will write a friendly letter to Susan thanking her for letting me stay here.

I will write down all my goals and lay them before my creator God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit. I will ask them to guide and help me.

Or, I might just go to bed and do all this in the morning!

The main thing I want to do is treat these uncomfortable feelings like children. They are wanting something, and I want to nurture them and help them identify their needs. Once needs are identified, they are much easier to fulfill.

I have always loved the line from the song from South Pacific,a broadway musical–”You gotta have a dream, ’cause if you don’t have a dream, how you gonna make a dream come true?

And somewhere in the bible it says,”without vision the people will perish.”

And Jesus says that he came that I might have life and that more abundantly He wants me to be happy.

So here I go….pray for me, okay? I hope you are doing well.

Talking to God..some ramblings of my heart

I continue this experiment of having quiet time with Papa (God) almost first thing in the morning. The words in italics are those that I am sensing Papa  is saying to me. Here goes…

I woke up this morning, Papa, and read the bible. You know I found the Phillips translation of the new testament, and I think I am going to like it. The words are big enough to read with out magnification, and they are easy to understand. Someone whom I trust told me that this was a good translation, and when I saw it at the thrift store it kind of jumped out at me. I have been wanting to want to read the bible. I was into it for a while, but the strange thing is I keep losing my bible. This time I am going to put it in a case and just carry it permanently in my pack, making it as important as my computer and calendar. I do believe I need to start studying it for myself.

I find myself editing this so much because I know people are going to read it. I hope it is okay that this is a public conversation. I feel so torn because on one hand I want to share this with people in order to encourage them to have more intimacy with you. On the other hand, I have a lot of fear of what people will say. Yet that is what I am working on–it seems my biggest lesson is to hear your voice of love, rather than these voices of critisism and condemnation. The voices sometimes come from within, and sometimes people do say words that tell me that I am way off base spiritually.

There is so much to say, and so little time this morning. I think I could spend the whole day just writing to you and talking to you that way. Yet I have a list a mile long that is calling to me. What to do?

Remember dear Patricia, Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness..and all these things shall be added unto you. Put first things first. Your time with me is essential. to connect with me and my love is what will save you time because you will make wise decisions. We need to co-create this day you have before you. You need me. I need you.

That seems so weird–that you might need me. But I have always liked the idea that we humans are the hands and feet and heart of Jesus. How I yearn to really be Christ to people. To be the living proof that you exist. That seems so presumptuous, also.

I am feeling rather overwhelmed and sad this morning. I re-read my statement of faith, something I really believe that you inspired me to write. I felt so much bliss at that time. So much confidence in your goodness. I was convinced I would never lose that feeling.

Yet I am realizing that when the uncomfortable feelings come over me, that is time for me to find my way back to peace. The feelings are a signal that I am separated from you. And when I am in peace and joy–I feel a gratitude towards you and a connection with you. I was listening to a preacher say, “We only go to you when we are desperate.” I don’t feel that way any more. I just love to feel your presence and think about how much you love everyone and me.

When I first wrote my statement of faith, I was overwhelmed with love for people, animals, plants and even cockroaches. Everything was a reminder for me that you love me. The whole ecology of our world where the trees breathing out becomes the oxygen we need, and our breathing out becomes the carbon dioxide (I think that is right) that the trees need.

Yet as I get farther away from the experience, it is harder to stay in that space. I lost my temper for the first time in ten days yesterday, when I blurted out some words that were definitely not in the model of nonviolent communication. Robert said something that pushed my buttons–and off I went.

How relieved I was, though, that we didn’t have a prolonged argument, and I used the love letter technique of writing out my anger and other underlying feelings down to the unconditional love. I wrote out all my anger and then I was so tired I just laid down and went to sleep. I woke up not even remembering what I was angry about. I went to meet Robert at the job we are working on, and he was all cheery. What a relief that he didn’t hold onto it. We talked about it later and cleared some things up that were on my heart. I realized that I was doing exactly what I was judging him to do. I was focusing on how he was not improving, rather than all the improvements he had made.

Okay, I have been writing a lot. I want to let you put in a word edgewise!

Dear Patricia..you were receptive to my spirit during that time about ten days ago and you were able to really feel my presence of love. You were out in a peaceful, quiet place which is one thing that contributed to your peace. You were also desperately wanting to, once and for all, be done with your freaking out times.

You will still need to be diligent in exercising practices and habits that help create an environment where I can speak to you and you can hear my voice. I am always speaking life into you, but sometimes you can’t hear me.  You had special grace during that time to just get a sense of what it would feel like to love everyone one and really see how people are only either offering love or requesting love–just often in tragic ways.

Now it is going to take a bit more effort if you don’t spent time with me every day–focussed in the morning. This time is precious, and to be guarded. Read your bible, even if just for a few minutes. Write to me as you are doing. Meditate even if it is for a minute. Pray and cry out to me. Then it will be easier for you to stay in a place of peace all day.

I know that you long to know the truth of who I am, and who Jesus is. You struggle because you can’t believe that I would send people to hell. Remember, people send themselves to hell when they choose to be independent from me.

Yet I have created this world so that eventually all will return to me because more and more people will share my love, and they will see me for who I really am. Your job is to inspire leaders to be the love that I am, not so much to speak about the love. Their lives must demonstrate on every level the integrity of my love and truth. Yes, speaking is important so that you can learn. But being love–demonstrating it–will win the people over more than anything.

Your dreams of helping every church be a community center, open 24 hours a day for people to come who are hurting–can come true. Your dream of creating a training center and curriculum to train neighborhood bridge builders who will help neighborhoods become thriving, self-reliant villages can come true. With me all things are possible. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. Just keep me at the center of all that you do, and all these things will be added unto you.

Continue to let your feelings be your guide. If you have uncomfortable feelings, love them and understand them as you would a child. Remember that I love everyone and everything and every feeling. I appreciate how you want to receive everything in your life with love. In that way, the negative energy is swallow up and dissipated.

Oh, Papa, are you really saying these things? I think that they are all true. I think that the goals I have are serving your purposes. My biggest question is where does Jesus fit into all this? There are the people who are so convinced that Jesus is the only way to you. I get confused. I am afraid to ask you because I am afraid my thoughts will cloud the answer. But I am receptive.

I am Jesus. Jesus is me. Of course this is confusing. You know you have studied so hard to understand this truth. I understand how you are confused for just because someone seems to be sure of himself, and just because a lot of people follow that person does not mean that they are speaking the truth. You know that, but you forget.

I have created you for a purpose–to build bridges between the different view points. Just keep cultivating a relationship with me so that you can know who I am personally. Keep focusing on the most important thing–that people are suffering terribly, and others are profiting by that knowingly or unknowingly. Keep focusing on alleviating the suffering.

Remember to prioritize your family in all this and do not get caught up in saving the world. You can have this as a vision, but it is a temptation for you to forsake your family. That is the time when you get discouraged.

These things will happen in the right time without you having to make a huge effort.

Listen to me every moment, see through the eyes of love, remember that I love you and everyone so much. These things will continue to help and strengthen you. I love you so much, Patricia. You have so much to give, and I want to help you. You see that so many people need my love, and remember that you can do all things through me-for I will strengthen you.

Thanks so much Jesus. That was helpful. I hope that was you speaking. I need to go an just weep and cry to you without words and typing…I know that after I grieve for your precious creation I will feel better and be able to get on with my day.

Amazing Grace is happening

Ten days ago when I wrote my statement of faith and experienced faith rather than just believing it, something shifted in me. A few days before I had experienced a kind of melt down where I was just so discouraged and not trusting at all. I was able to, for the first time in a while, really experience the grief of all the pain in the world–my own as well as others. I could fully feel the sadness and longing I felt to help build a better world, for myself, my family, every living creature, and every particle of our Creator.

Since then, I have watched the bliss slowly decrease. Yet at the same time, I am more anchored in the faith that our Creator loves me and you so much, and wants to co-create with us this kingdom of heaven on earth. I am more grounded in the belief that everyone is doing two things–asking for love or offering love–just often doing those two actions in tragic ways.

My faith in Jesus as the one who can lead me into all abundance and can help me to co-create with Papa God and Holy spirit–as increased and my affection for him grows.

Here are some experiences I have had which tells me that I have made some shifts in consciousness that I pray will be consistent:

I was shopping at Harps and when I was ready to leave I could not find my purse which was attached to my keys any where. Instead of panicking, I just peacefully kept looking, checked in the store, took a little snack break. I went back into the store, and the purse was sitting in the lost and found–nothing missing. I was so glad I didn’t waste my energy worrying.

My partner Robert and I had a very intense discussion where he got quite upset with me. I was able to listen empathically to his feelings and wants, and share my perceptions without making demands. We got through a very difficult, highly charged situation with a lot at stake with me being calm, and my calmness helped release the tension Robert was feeling. (Often it will be the other way around–where he will listen to me.) I was glad that I was able to call upon the words Paul says in the bible, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Those words really helped me.

I have attracted steady work, and even work for Robert so that we can be more abundant and get some very much needed items like parts for a stove so we won’t have to use propane for heat during the winter. The people we are working for are very appreciative, and we can work on the job together at times, which is wonderful.

I got to spend a day with my daughter, Mahriyanna, and it was truly blissful. We got to see the beautiful sun rise on Mt. Sequoyah, take a nap together because neither of us had slept well, cruise around thrift stores, shop and just hang out together. With the positive feelings of love, joy, peace I experience so much of the time, I seem to attract more of the things that I want and need.

Someone wanted me to do a recording and video project but then backed out. I was tempted to tell everyone before the deal was sealed, but something stopped me I was not disappointed in the change in plans, but rather saw that it stimulated me to work on my own projects.

When people aren’t willing to look into my eyes or smile or act in a friendly way towards me as I go about my day, I just send them love and don’t make assumptions. I also don’t let the thoughts like, “they probably think I am weird–and they are right.” even get through. I celebrate my weirdness while doing my best to be sensitive to others. And I refrain from trying to figure out what they are thinking, because it really doesn’t matter!

I just feel happy, peaceful, loving most of the time.  I find myself talking to Jesus a lot, and praying more and more. And then when I am not in that space, I figure out what thoughts and feelings are keeping me from that space. I uncover the layers, then do what needs to be done, and get back into the flow of joy.

I find it easy to forgive others, and yearning for true reconciliation. But I’m not attached.

I feel grateful because I perceive that all that is happening is Christ living in me, creating a vibration of love that is drawing to me all that I need to continue to live in peace and harmony. It doesn’t feel like a huge effort. I have faith that whatever challenge is presented to me in life, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  Awakening to our Creator’s grace has made all the difference. I hope you will pray for me that I will continue develop my relationship with Jesus so that I can become more like him in every way.