You are currently browsing the monthly archive for January, 2009.
This dream came out of left field. I am really busy, and seemingly don’t have time to do this. But I am praying that God will make a way for me to get this started.
Here is how it happened. My friend Bea started talking about a sponsoring a fund raiser to help especially innocent and young victims in the recent bombing by Israel soldiers of civilians living in the Gaza strip in Palestine. Here is more information about this horrible situation.
When she told me about children having limbs amputated without anesthesia and phosphorus bombs burning little victims in horrible ways including burning down to the bone, I was shocked and saddened. When I sent her an email suggesting that perhaps I could help by doing a concert for children with songs which encourage peace making, she had the idea of having a mass children’s choir.
When I attended the Interfaith Harmony Day sponsored by the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Fayetteville, I felt inspired to talk to people at the various tables as well as friends I met at the event about the idea of having and interfaith youth choir which would have as its first performance a fund raiser for victims living in Gaza.
I was flabbergasted by the positive response by everyone I spoke to. I felt so supported and encouraged that now I am convinced this is the right thing for me to focus on.
I have decided to make a small organization to help create this Youth For Peace Interfaith Choir (that is the name I just made up).
Since I have had much experience with working with children as well as producing three tapes for young people, I feel confident that I can create a successful choir. I also have learned that I will be much more effective working with a team.
The songs we will be singing have a universal message, are easy to sing, include audience participation, and appeal to people of all ages. These songs are ones that are written mostly by my two friends Linda Williams and Carol Johnson who have a wonderful ability to write music with a message.
If you have any interest in helping organizer and in other ways supporting this endeavor, let me know.
Here are some needs:
1. Contact choir directors and other representatives of faith based groups in the area.
2. Help with the monthly rehearsals.
3. Donate funds to pay for the production of rehearsal dvd’s and videos so that the children can learn songs and motions at home.
4. Help with video production of the motions to the songs.
5. Be part of a team/board of directors to organize the whole effort.
6. Do research and see if a similar project has been undertaken elsewhere.
7. Help with the actual rehearsal by helping supervise the young people.
8. Help with the fundraiser. We are having a meeting Monday, Jan. 20 at 7pm in Fayetteville.
Thanks for your interest! You can contact me at 479-313-0414 simplifiedliving@gmail.com
I finally took the plunge and went to the New Heights Church service. I realize now I am quite terrified of being disappointed in New Heights. I yearn to be a part of a group of Jesus followers, but I’m scared that I won’t be accepted–or that there will be some value the church holds. that I can’t handle.
I share in the previous blog how I had such a challenging evening having a fight with my husband. It was so bad, I was on the verge of creating conditions that would prevent me from going to the church service. Maybe on some level my scared and vulnerable inner child who has been hurt so much was trying to help me out by supporting me in not taking a risk of reaching out. I suppose it could have been the devil trying to keep me from connecting as well. These are deep topics that deserve more attention than I can give to them right now.
But things worked out. In spite of many obstacles, I arrived at New Heights Church. I sat in the very front row. I felt very inspired by the songs sung by the worship team, the message given by one of the pastors, and more inspiring songs which were sung during communion. I really loved how communion was presented. There were tables all around the periphery of where people sat (in the gym of the Boys and Girls Club) which had the grape juice and bread available. During the ten minutes or so of the worship team singing, people, Be could go to the tables at any time.
During the first song, I prayed unto God to help me with my financial challenges and all kinds of other prayers that flowed from my heart. I found myself being prompted to cry out to God on my face. I have learned that there are many postures for prayer that are effective and demonstrated in the bible. I notice that when I am on my face, my prayers take on an intensity and cleansing power than any other posture.
I resisted the temptation to fall on my face, wondering what people might think. But I also said, “Jesus, if this is what you want, I will do it. I know it is more important what you think than what others think.” And soon I found myself on my face, sobbing and shaking with spoken and unspoken prayers to God. I was so glad there was kleenex available which I had stuffed in my pocket before the service.
After the song, I was back in my seat, enjoying the wonderful music and lyrics. God was not through with me, it seemed.
During one of the next songs I felt inspired to dance. The words of the song almost demanded physical expression. I found myself torn. Here I was in the front row–dancing there was going to appear like a performance. Should I not go into the back of the room so I wouldn’t make a spectacle of myself?After all, this was my first service. I didn’t want people to think I was a show off.
But the Holy Spirit seemed to have other plans. I found myself first moving my arms slowly, then with more expression, then my whole body was moving. Yes, part of me was still self-conscious and thinking, “What will people think,” and most of me felt swept up in blissful connection to Spirit and my dance was pure worship unto the Lord.
I was so glad I could take communion now, feeling more connected to God than when I had when I first arrived. I also went to the side where the pastor had said there were people ready to pray with me. I didn’t know who was ready to pray with me and was feeling rather shy–so I prayed alone.
After the service, all of which was so inspiring, a radiant young woman came up to me and said lovingly, “I loved your dancing.” I was writing a prayer on a prayer request card, and I think she didn’t want to interrupt me. I said thank you, and she walked away.
Then she came back again, and initiated a conversation. It was kind of wierd–I wasn’t sure if she was the same person who had told me she enjoyed my dancing–but when I asked her later, she said she was.
We found we had so much in common. We had a wonderful talk and I appreciated hearing her passion for loving people who had issues with Christianity and Jesus–mostly because they had such bad experiences with Christians. She also had many friends who were gay and liberal, who saw things differently–but she had no desire to attempt to convert them by telling them they were wrong or going to hell. She valued being Christ’s hands and feet to everyone. Although she didn’t say this, I am pretty sure she would agree with the idea I have heard that we of ourselves can not bring anyone to Jesus–it is the Holy Spirit that does the work.
One topic we touched upon was the issue of homosexuality. She agreed that this was a topic that was not black and white as to whether or not it was a sin. She, like I, had many gay friends who she did not want to alienate by judging them as sinful. I know we will be talking more about this issue.
I look forward to connecting with her more and exploring how we can support each other and connect. I felt as if I had made a new friend, possibly a kindred spirit. I thought that perhaps God lead me to dance partly so that she could see me and realize that she wanted to reach out to me.
I also talked to a woman who was in charge of the prayer team in a local organization that ministers to people who have crises pregnancies. She was very inspiring and encouraging.
I even talked to the worship pastor, and found that I did not have to be a member of the church to part of the worship team. They do not have the same worship team every week, but rotate among about 40 musicians. I made an appointment for an audition, and look forward to seeing how that will go.
I left the service feeling uplifted and joyous and hopeful. Maybe this could be a place I could belong. We shall see.
How can it be that last night I felt like I was going crazy–actually to the extent I just want to die–to be done with the world and all its suffering. Then, today was such a blissful day…
I know…you might be thinking–typical manic depressive by polar behavior. I would agree with you if this happened on a daily or weekly or even monthly basis. But more and more–as I deepen my relationship with Jesus, these “dark nights of the soul” occur less and less often.
It is a story worth telling–and when I get down and discouraged, perhaps I will read this to remind myself that “all things work together for the good for those who serve him and are called according to his purposes. ” Paul said this somewhere in the New Testament. By the way, I think everyone who is sincerely doing their best to live a life of goodness are serving God and are called according to his purposes–but that is another story!
It had been a great week. I had the revelation that we are called to be living epistles–the gospel in action. Paul said that somewhere. (By the way, I am really bad at memorizing scripture and where they are found–but I remember the big truths that jump out at me and seem to be written on my heart)
Having this revelation helped me feel useful in everything I was doing. Even though I want to do community organizing projects and create an eco-village community with a community organizing school–I have not yet done this. So when I do organizing work, or cleaning, I often feel discouraged, thinking I am not doing what I am called to do. But this week I felt so grate. I felt Jesus love just pouring out of my heart and everything I did felt joyful. Even cleaning the rental house and making it shiny and clean (even cleaning the really gross stuff under the refrigerator and stove was a happy experience) was great.
I listened to the CD BETWEEN THE CROSS AND THE DOOR by Casting Crowns the whole time. I cried out to God to make me his instrument and help bring the kingdom of God on earth. I prayed about all kinds of things, including for my family and the suffering going on in Gaza especially with wounded and dying children who do not have adequate medical supplies and attention.
Wow! It was amazing how I even got into helping out a sick client/friend. I was helping her de-clutter her house, and she got really ill while I was there. This kind of thing sometimes happens when people are experiencing de-cluttering. They have an internal cleansing as well that manifests in challenging and painful symptoms. (I need to figure out how to make their inner cleansing less painful.) One of the things I did was clean out the vomit in the sink. Amazingly, this was not so bad, and I took great joy in knowing I was really helping her out. I also prayed for her. She was very grateful–and got well soon after I prayed for her.
But then my husband Robert told me we were short on money again. I promised myself that no matter what were my external circumstances, I would do as Jesus actually commanded, “Don’t worry!” His words are so wise–I mean, worry never helps any situation. We can’t hear the voice of the holy spirit if our minds and hearts are clouded with worry.
But I did what I told myself I would not do. I started criticizing my husband unjustly. I started panicking. I started getting scared. My husband and I got into a big fight, mainly instigated by me. When he did not listen emphatically like I wanted him to, I spiraled downward into an abyss of discouragement that created a big wall between my husband and I.
I also got really mad at God and Jesus, and yelled at them. Why why why–I keep doing my best to hear God’s voice and follow Jesus and be the hands and feet of Jesus. I am blessed beyond measure with wonderful children, a good relationship with my former husband, a wonderful husband, nurturing friends and neighbors. But the money situation keeps challenging me. And the lack of my dream of community coming true.
When I told my husband I just wanted to die–but I was not going to commit suicide because I was just not capable and I knew it was wrong–I hoped he would hear the depths of my pain and come to my aid. I really don’t want to do extreme things to get attention–but the pain I was feeling was extreme. I felt so separated from Jesus. I felt alone and hopeless.
Robert, my husband, was able to be there for me in a way that was truly beautiful. I felt so much better after being able to just rant and rave and have him listen without taking it personally. He was calm and loving and I feel so grateful. He was empathic and at the same time logical. I could handle that.
I felt at peace, and connected to both my husband and Jesus.
I went to sleep feeling much better, and woke up in time to go to New Heights Church and have an amazingly blessed day which I will describe in my next blog.
My husband said today that I had left a message on his phone telling him that I had a revelation: that I was called to be a living epistle to everyone I met. I left the message on Friday–and he didn’t hear it until Sunday. I don’t even remember leaving the message. He said that perhaps the reason I had the challenges I did–which felt like an attack–was because I made this stand. It seems like when I go to a new level of faith, I am challenged. That is also another whole topic.
As always, I welcome your comments and input about what I have shared.
